Can’t win this game

I find this hilarious.
It is say that in the world of romance, one single rule applies to the men, that is : Makes the women happy!

Here are the rule of this LOVEEE game:
1. Do something she likes and you will score.
2. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
3. You don't get any points for doing something she expects.
(Sorry, that's the way the game is played.)

Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5)
In the rain (+8)
But return with Beer (-5)
You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
It's her pet (-10)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2)
Named Tina (-4)
Tina is a dancer (-6)
Tina has silicon implants (-80)

HER BIRTHDAY
You take her out to dinner (0)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
It's a sports bar (-2)
It's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
It's a sports bar and it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team (-10)

A NIGHT OUT
You take her to a movie (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It's called 'Dead Cop' (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)

ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION - She asks "Do I look fat?"
You hesitate in responding (-50)
You reply, "Where?" (-45)
Any other response (-40)
[Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT plus you are dead]

COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
You listen for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)

The way I look at it: OUCH...PAINFUL!!

Women Power

"Women are cuter animals but with bird brains", so said all the grumpy husbands. But when women have normal brains, men are in trouble.

Conversation (1)
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

Conversation (2)
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words each woman uses a day : ... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything because men are absent minded and not so intelligent. The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

Conversation (3)
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. " The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; and stupid so I would be attracted to you!

Conversation (4)
Husband and wife were in the midst of a violent quarrel, and hubby was losing his temper. "Be careful," he said to his wife. "You will bring out the beast in me."
"So what?" his wife shot back. "Who is afraid of a mouse?"

Conversation (5)
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should brew coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, and indeed it says...."HEBREWS